How to Snatch a Body (in 3 easy steps)

January 19, 2017 by

In that inevitable instance in which you create a time machine, you will naturally journey back to the 19th century.

This is a time of drastic change – the industrial revolution and migration to the cities, the emergence of the new middle class and creation of traditional Victorian values, and an emphasis on human anatomy in the progression of medical study.

Welcome to the dissection craze! What better way to learn about the body than to cut it open? But where to obtain so many cadavers? For some medical students it was considered a right-of-passage to snatch your own cadaver, but many students and schools were willing to pay a pretty penny for bodies.

Enter: your new side-hustle.

Yes, savvy time-traveler, you will undoubtedly require the knowledge of body-snatching. Of course, these instructions can additionally be used for grave robbing -- however those charges are so much more burdensome (it’s best to avoid jail time, especially in the nineteenth century).

So, here it is in three easy steps!

1) You must first locate a proper body, by which I mean a fresh one. There is, after all, no benefits to decaying bodies. Once you have collected the needed information on a burial taking place that day, you must wait patiently for nightfall.

2) Then you will enter the cemetery and make your way to the freshly dug grave. Your tool of choice is a wooden shovel as these make minimum noise. You will not dig up the whole grave -- you are not a sloppy barbarian, after all, but a skilled professional. You will dig only around the head of the grave. You may or may not need to pry open a coffin lid -- though many bodies were buried only in a shroud.

3) Upon reaching the body you will secure it by tying ropes under and around each armpit. You will proceed to hoist the body out of the grave through the head hole. Make sure the body is not clothed and make sure to leave any objects you might discover -- you are not a grave robber after all. Then make haste and escape with your companion.

And there you have it, my time-bender friend. If this has proven instructive, don't forget to share!

Leave a Comment